1. cue the reason for this blog…

As you may have gathered, we are two females and making a baby isn’t gonna happen by accident.

To be honest, one of the scariest things about accepting myself as gay was not knowing if I could start a family. Part of it was the obvious fact that it wouldn't happen naturally. The other was that I couldn't picture a child with two moms. That image just did not fit the mold of the traditional household I knew growing up. Coming out for me was a long arduous process of tearing down expectations for who I was supposed be. I'm thankful I found someone who helped me redefine life's expectations. We both feel so fortunate to have our incredible community of family and friends who show us constant love and support for everything we do. They make us feel that anything is possible. So NOW I'm a a firm believer in two girls making a baby and starting a family. I'm just not so sure of how it happens.

What I do know is it’s going to require more people, doctors, appointments, procedures, planning and money than a typical pregnancy. Sexy, huh? We didn’t know where to begin this process so we started googling. We also spoke to a few folks we met in Austin who experienced something similar. We gathered information on:

• facilities they visited

• who carried

• procedures they underwent

• which Cryobank they used

• how they chose a donor

• the length of time it took to get pregnant

• the total cost... among other things

Kara and I discussed what we learned and simultaneously felt nervous, excited, hopeful and overwhelmed, totally ready yet utterly unprepared. There are so many things to consider. We knew this would be quite the journey through uncharted territory - at least for us. Each step requires planning, exploration and explanation. We are not the only ones to go through this and yet in our experience, it’s rarely talked about or understood. We want to change that.

The purpose of this blog is to share our experience navigating the process of being two gals starting a family.

We are not doctors or fertility experts. We are just two gals who love each other, want to start a family and are learning a great deal along the way. We want to be as transparent as possible so folks can learn as we learn. It’s been an important part of how we normalize this process for ourselves and in doing so, we normalize for our family, friends, and colleagues with whom we want to share this part of our lives.

SO where to start?

The first decision we had to make was who would conceive. Well, we both would like to carry. Kara made it clear early on that she wanted to get pregnant. As for me, I don’t have these childbearing hips for nothing! So, we both wanted to carry a baby but NOT at the same time! We decided that Kara would go first.

As for the way to make it happen, we chose artificial insemination. We know of a few folks that have gone this route but we had no idea how it all worked. There isn’t a single handbook on how to go about it or what services or procedures are involved. Everyone’s circumstances, bodies and insurance coverage are different.

We talked to our primary care doctor and got a recommendation for a fertility specialist at the Texas Fertility Center. We made sure that the provider was in network through our insurance and scheduled our first appointment at the Texas Fertility Center on December 16, 2019.